Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Open channels and an open heart

Welcome to today. It seems my mind is busy allowing new ideas to flow through. I am so full of intrigue and this funny list of inspiration that keeps loading and loading. It seems I am flowing into a very expressive day. The things that drive me, that resonate with the core being of who I am. I feel the need to celebrate these ideas and I am not sure how to do that all at once but starting at the beginning of my thoughts is a good place. Here goes.

I am passionate about movement. I find expressing my body through yoga, dance, running, drawing, knitting...these things give me a gratifying outlet. There are so many feelings I internalize and I lack the ability to convey them in words. I need to let out the inner beast with a great soaring sense of freedom. I hate holding back. I hold back all the time. That is what this journey is about. Taking the anger, resentment...hidden Katie and destroying any fear. Opening my heart to happiness knowing that hurt is a part of life but I do not need to hide in the shadows for fear of it. I am not fear, I am life. 

Music. I love to sing. I love to play guitar. I have had this vision in my mind of being this grassroots singer. Its funny because singing is about opening up and allowing the human experience to be shared and enjoyed. For years I have been so self conscious about not wanting to share my voice for fear of imperfections or not enough practice or proper training and judgement from others. The irony is that that might be exactly the charm in it. The true vulnerable unfiltered renditions of my experience. The love I am willing to share while I feel true connection from the listener. It fuels me. You do not have to like it. Like a conversation, its my opinion. You can connect with it or not, but the music is in me. Now if we are talking about music that makes me want to move then just add a heavy latin beat and I am ready to roll my hips like wild thunder rushing against the flat desert planes. If I need an inspiring song to connect to I just have to hear the dixie chicks for about 30 seconds and I am wildly enthralled. Now Shania is up there as well. If I need my rocker fix just throw on some Zeppelin and I want to do some crazy ass back bend while throwing my hair around (which I have very little of so I just channel my inner Shakira). 

Love. Dear god I love animals. I love to touch them. I find touching other humans I am not familiar with very strange and am slowly getting into that groove more as I age. Animals I can immediately connect with. The depth of their souls in their eyes. Their ability to communicate without a shared language. Their ability to allow. I have had a long standing dream of being a vet, however I think my efforts would be better served willing the love of people. I do not need to make a lot of money to fund animal sanctuaries (did I mention thats what I wanted to do? Well ok yes that is my dream as well.) I need to find people who can help me and we can help them. People are compassionate. I spoke with my husband about being ashamed to be human sometimes because of the horrific things human kind does to animals. He simply asked why I would be ashamed if another person on earth does something bad. And why would that person do that? It was a long interesting conversation that lead to the ultimate conclusion that no one truly intends to be 'that' person. Its circumstances. The need to feed their family, then need to survive, after all how else would humans be alive today if they did not do the things they have done. But that instinct to survive because misplaced energy and greed is sought. The need to pile 'things' beyond our needs. The need for luxuries like Ivory regardless if that means the death of an incredible gift to Earth, an Elephant. Its this lack of 'we are all one' that misleads us. Because we are all one. At the center of it all, the core of the earth, the tree of life. The shared DNA between you and me and the tree. To harm the creatures of the world is a complicated thing. Survival of the fittest. Yes we all need to eat but where do we draw the line? I watched a show recently about stars and planets and the atmosphere, tides, the moon etc. and the final point was irresistible to me. The Earth has had great sufferings. The extinction of dinosaurs. Huge asteroids. Rains for thousands of years. The Earth remains. People talk about saving the Earth, but what we fail to realize is the Earth will recover. It is the human experience and existence that will suffer.

Do you see what I mean about my channels being open? Ya, I was not lying.

I think thats enough for now.

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