Thursday, March 24, 2016

I loved you too hard

A thought passed my mind as I peruse a very confusing and interesting time in my life. Can you love too much? I know, your immediate reaction is NO. Of course not! But hear me out. What if the direction of your love is to someone or something that cannot accept the bountifulness of your love light. What happens then? What do you do when you love so deeply but cannot fully share it, or even receive it to the extent you give. Is that ok? Is that wrong? I am at odds in my life battling over the idea of no expectations. To give love and pour it out into the world, with no expectation of it in return...but do I not deserve it all as well? And how do you suggest I not smother the ones I love. You see, not everyone I know loves the way I love. Its like their love cup fills all the way to the top when mine is a quarter way full. Do we have different capacities of love, or are we fighting the belief we deserve the love? And honestly, what is love?  

I asked my children last year what love meant to them. They were 6, 4 and 2 at the time, so you can imagine the 1 year old wasn't participating. My other two had really wonderful answers. To them love was food, laughs, tickles, jokes, baking, kisses etc. It was all the things that give them that wonderful feeling. So in each of our lives we have formed this idea of what love is and it comes from this accumulation of experiences that make us feel good. So when I bake someone I love cookies and they don't like cookies, they don't understand I made it for them from a place of love. They might consider I was just making cookies and offered them some. To me I made them cookies to show them I loved them.

As an adult have you stopped and taken the time to write down what love means to you? To really look at it in its entirety for your experience. So when times aren't as pretty and perfect as you hope, that you know what love really looks like. To me love is a feeling, absolutely a strong beautiful feeling that gravitates me to people and experiences based on a glowing and lifting sensation. Love is something that makes me smile and energizes me. Love is caring, love is thoughtfulness, love is sacred, love is for sharing, love is respect, love is unconditional, love is powerful and engaging. And even as I write this down I can see clearly how this is not the same love other people might experience. I am sure most of you are familiar with love languages and other ways of connecting based on how we express ourselves. There are so many tools to connect us, but here we are again at the question...can you love too much?

I suppose it comes down to the one receiving the love. If said receiver has hit their capacity of love and now they are receiving so much and cannot reflect the same abundance, it could be really difficult to know that amount of love exists but they cannot feel it. And how do you make sense of that? Really. 

I love to love. 

Love, Katie.