Through deep healing and peeling away each layer I am scratching the surface of the magnitude of power we each have in is.
I have prayed for healing. I have prayed for release of pain. I have fantasized about a strong goddess, unapologetic person who is capable of every dream....lead with deep purpose that is truly meaningful. I have dreamt of what it is like to matter greatly, to effect positive change and hold the hands of those who want to see a better us. A safe space to lay our truth out and sift through the confusion until we can see, ahhh...it was always love all along. I am love. And then I realized, I am that woman.
To live with our whole heart. This takes massive courage. I have learned that my biggest challenge is fear and holding myself back from living from a place of joy. I have come from a place rooted in pain, a place where my roots became rotten and no matter the spiritual growth I experienced, I was still coming from a shallow base that couldn't connect to the abundance awaiting me.
I grew new roots. I found my roots in my friends, my spiritual leaders, my mentor, my teachers, my children, the teachers of the past and present. The seekers who look for a deeper truth, a deeper meaning in life. A sense of purpose and an understanding we are spiritual beings who posses a body but we are not this body. I found abundance in the source, the soul feeding waters we can replenish ourselves in. The kind of love and support that gives me the power to see my potential, to take the leap of believing in myself. To see myself as others see me. I have been guided by angels, living in the form of people, of animals, of rich culture, of fresh air and the natural beauty of the forest. The ever reliable movement of the waves and the gentle hug of the breeze.
My vibration is strong and it used to attract wanted and wanted energy. It was a magnet to all things. It was not until I realized my value, the respect I deserve...that if you want my time you must value me, be a trustworthy person, a person of integrity...and I will be that in return. If these basic agreements cannot be made, then I will not give you the gift of my time. From making these agreements within myself I have watched people fall away and new ones arrive. The intention has been made.
My daughter was born suffering. Her eyes revealed it all. I saw her pain and felt I have failed her. I saw so many tears and from birth she would look at me screaming and hurting. I wondered why God would give me, a broken woman at the time, a child who so badly needed her own spiritual healing. How would I ever be enough to help her rise up above this place. No one could touch her, or look at her besides me. She would burst out screaming if her Dad tried to hold her to give me a rest. She couldn't sleep...this went on past a year. She is now 7 and has made leaps into divinity of her power. She is my living angel. It occurred to me today that her witnessing my deep healing is a part the story of her life. From my own healing I am able to support her from a new place of compassion and strength. She is the most powerful being I have ever met and perhaps my deepest purpose in my lifetime is to help her see her own magnitude. Rise up my child, my sister, my teacher my goddess, my mother....for you are all things.
The piece of advice I will leave you with today is show your children your growth. As I was packing them up to leave for school and hustle into our van, my daughter was moving slowly and I ended up screaming at her to hurry up. I am not, I repeat...NOT a morning person. Once we were on the drive I deeply apologized. I told them that my response to them in a negative way has nothing to do with them, that is me struggling. I tell them how amazing and perfectly THEM, they are. When people respond to them with anger in any way, it is that person struggling with them selves and to never take it personally. Do not take on the burden of others. I am far from perfect, I make mistakes all the time but I own them, explain them....teachable moments all day. Give them the gift of seeing we are always growing, always trying and we want to help them even while we battle our own demons.