Sunday, September 7, 2014


Recently on a trip to Canada I met up with one of my cousins I had not seen in a few years and had the joy of meeting her new baby. It is always refreshing to see family and chat over the happenings of the times between seeing them. Funny how life can be summed up quickly and you can get a little overall picture of the years past. Anyways, while discussing motherhood with my cousin she mentioned something wonderful about expectations. I have read and heard many people discuss removing expectations about yourself and others to bring more peace and enjoyment to life but the application of this way of thinking has not really moved into use in my life, until now. The way she described it was such a joy. I asked her how her baby was sleeping at night. She said that its different each night. She goes to bed with no expectations regarding how much or little sleep she might have. She gives her son what he needs. If he sleeps, great! If not, thats ok too. This shift of not limiting herself or her child to rules and expectations brings so much happiness to me. This ability to just be open completely to the needs of her baby without holding things like resentment for lack of sleep, for example, is eye opening. I was left with this new understanding of my cousin and complete admiration for her ability to go with the flow. She is a happy woman. Her baby is happy. I was so honored to witness it.

Friday, September 5, 2014

A shift

As summer draws to an end I am finding this funny in between area. I spent most of the Spring and Summer in full celebration mode. Hard work, friends, life, family all had me buzzing on a high and the ride was so fantastic and I absorbed every moment of the joy. As fall approaches and many things are beginning to change in the lives of people I love most, there is a big shift happening. This in between place had me confused and feeling stuck, until I lifted my own walls of 'stuck' to allowing fully the movement of life to unfold naturally. How many times do we stop the inevitable because we are not ready. I know anger, resentment, rigidity and lack of respect have imposed my mind to find places to be stuck many times over. Being open to change is scary. I feel like a cat clawing at the carpet as my owner tows me to the vet. I know something is coming but I do not know what and even if its good for me I am not ready. Well. I am. I am ready with openness to open, to be present right here and now. In this moment I choose to be thoughtful of my tongue and the words I speak. I choose to tread lightly on my expanding mind without hindering my ability to function life. I choose to speak kindness and soften the bitterness I have too often accepted from my tongue. I choose to look with curiosity rather than assumptions. I choose love of this moment over fear.

I have been reading in preparation for school which starts in one week. It is my yoga training and I am thoroughly preparing myself to not allow expectations to set into my mind of myself or others. I am going into this experience to experience it. I have never done it before. It is new. Each moment is new. Isnt that funny. Its this awareness I am practicing. To notice why my mind thinks something. I choose to not judge myself, and again look with curiosity. I can move forward with the ability to stick to this practice. Notice. Observe. Do not judge. Give. 

This past week I spent time looking over the things I love. Things being objects I like and enjoy. Clothing and beautiful things I have for my children. They are not serving any purpose in my life, or my families life. I am letting them go. It felt so good to just send love off in the mail. Another thing I thought about is I have made choices in the past of who I give to and if they are deserving. What I have learned is that this is not a healthy way to give. Giving something, material or not, can be given with love, without expectation and without judgement. We are all deserving. We are all in need of something, and giving that 'something' to others feels so good. It is good to give.

I read a fantastic tidbit that shifted my thinking. It comes from the book The Yamas & Niyamas and it speaks in regards to God. The story tells of God making a terrible mistake with creating humans because they will forever be talking and asking things of him. He decides after some deliberation to hide within each human so he won't be found. This story allowed me to see the God in each of us, the light that we all have when our identity we have chosen has been stripped bare. To move through life with this little gem feels like such a gift to me. I am eternally thankful that I read that book at that time when I could take the meaning from it I needed to see deeper into each of us. It is profound to me.

My step is a little lighter today and though the huge celebration of the Summer has drawn to an end, this new place I am starting to move into feels much calmer and peaceful. I feel new meaning to life and appreciation is coming. More realness.

Happy Friday, friends.